he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ladies don't puke and tell
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
