my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
