You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
