I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
