I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
