I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
