your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
