I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
