Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
