I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
