He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
