what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
