So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
