my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
