I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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