I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
