accomplished twins. life is a go
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
