you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
