Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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