Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
