i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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