No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
