Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
