I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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