we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
