dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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