He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's like iHOP with fire
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
