Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
