I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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