People in love make me want to vomit
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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