I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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