I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
