I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
