I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
