He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
