i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
