The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
