How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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