I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
