apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
