lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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