I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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