In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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