i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
