was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
