How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
