please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
