Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
