Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
