420 ftw
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
