Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
not ubering you a puppy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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